I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
