Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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