I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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