im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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