I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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