somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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