We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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