I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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