she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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