My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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