I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
