Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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