I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
