allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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