also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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