when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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