Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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