Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
