she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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