when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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