maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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