You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
