Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
