i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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