put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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