you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
