How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So squirting runs in the family.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize