Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize