I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
