I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
