i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
