There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
