I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
