I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
