I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i think i just lost a toe
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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