how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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