She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
