Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dick very happy bro
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