you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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