need another drink. this is the easiest way
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
