he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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