Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
