6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
