Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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