So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
