also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
one might say we're banned from that church
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
