your room smells of hookers.
And success
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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