If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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