the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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