You're so nebulous sometimes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
