You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
