FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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