i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
