Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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