After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
