Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
