Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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