you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
