so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I believe in your delicious
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
