Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
