I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
