In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
