i just wanna soil my oats bro
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
