I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's the barista slut.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
