i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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