I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
